The New “Language” of Domestic Violence Victims

The #MeToo movement supports survivors of sexual violence, including domestic abuse, but what if the entire movement has been in a different language all along?

by third year Aarya Merchant

The 2000s have given us many memorable things: bell-bottom jeans, Britney Spears, and the #MeToo movement. The hashtag "MeToo," coined by Tarana Burke in 2006 and popularized by Alyssa Milano’s infamous tweet, ignited a social movement against sexual harassment and rape culture. It encouraged victims of rape, sexual abuse, and harassment to share their experiences on social media, showing them they weren’t alone—that others had endured the same pain. What began as a simple hashtag evolved into a full-fledged social and political movement.

The movement not only raised awareness and provided a platform for survivors, but also led to significant changes: an increase in sexual harassment charges reported to the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and sweeping workplace reforms, including limitations on non-disclosure agreements (NDAs) and strengthened anti-sexual harassment policies.

While the #MeToo movement was revolutionary in empowering women to speak out against sexual harassment, it overlooked a crucial form of abuse that both women and men experience far too often—domestic violence. In recognition of October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I want to explore why this movement has paid so little attention to domestic violence victims and how excluding them threatens the very foundation of the movement.

The biggest issue behind the exclusion of domestic violence from the #MeToo movement lies within the legal system. In domestic violence cases, there isn't a large corporation with deep pockets at stake, so lawyers are less likely to take these cases compared to gender-discrimination lawsuits. This leaves most domestic violence cases in the hands of the District Attorney, who prosecutes cases based on public interest. Unfortunately, public empathy for domestic violence victims is often lacking, with many people questioning why the victim stayed if the situation was truly that terrible. As a result, District Attorneys may be reluctant to pursue these cases.

Another challenge is the difference in language between the #MeToo movement and domestic violence survivors. The #MeToo movement has created a shared vocabulary for discussing sexual harassment, often using terms like anger, violation, and humiliation. However, terms like false sense of security and disillusioned love, which are common in domestic violence experiences, are rarely included. It's clear that the language used by domestic violence survivors requires a different framework than the one built around sexual harassment.

I don’t want to diminish the progress made in recent years toward raising awareness of domestic violence. Movements such as the Brides March, Take Back the Night, and #Every1KnowsSome1 have worked hard to empower domestic violence survivors. However, to build a movement as large and impactful as #MeToo, we must empower domestic violence victims by first understanding and speaking their language. To amplify their voices, we need to recognize the patterns in their experiences and use those as a foundation for encouraging the sharing of individual stories.