More Than A Girlboss, More Than A Woman
photo by Aubrey Ford
More Than A Girlboss, More Than A Woman
A girlboss is a self-made woman. She’s got it all together. Her job is fulfilling. She has the perfect marriage. Her hair is perfectly made and not a speck of dust is out of place in her home. She is loved by lots and built her life up by herself. She is a leader. She speaks with poise. She doesn’t even make any typos. She is the woman we are all told to be. A lot of us present this woman in some form or another. It’s what we’re told success is supposed to look like for us. But is that really true? Or even possible?
by fourth year Aubrey Ford
A few weekends ago, I attended the Pink Robe Society Leadership Summit with my mom. There were women of all ages at every stage in their careers. The speakers had an endless list of accomplishments and I was very inspired seeing women who loved their lives and deeply enjoyed being alive.
I looked around the room and noted several qualities that I admired in the women I met. They were well-spoken, elegant, and kind. They had a willingness to uplift themselves and others and wanted better for the world. They aged with pride, not shame and fear. I left with a sense that everything really would be okay and that my life wouldn’t end after I graduated college. In fact, I feel like the world will open up and bloom as I step into it and forge a new path only I can walk.
At the end of the conference, I met Tangela Johnson, the founder of the Pink Robe Society. When I stood next to her, I could feel how powerful and intensely driven she was. She has so much wisdom and an incredible wish to uplift the women in her community. When she speaks, I cannot help but listen. She is a self-made woman. And yet, she is not perfect, either. She has made mistakes– big and small – in her own career and personal life. I’m honored to have spoken with her, and I hope she continues to inspire “everyday” people like my mother and me.
My mom owns a small business. She’s always been creatively talented, but she didn’t take the plunge until 2017 after a lot of unrelenting support from my dad and me. She makes beautiful art. She’s one of the strongest women I know. She’s so beyond kind and loving that I want nothing more than for her to succeed. I’ve watched her downplay her talent for years, and I’ve started advocating for her because I know she won’t do it herself. She did not want to come to the Pink Robe Society at all. I knew it would be a great opportunity for both of us, so I was very adamant about us going, even though the prospect of meeting many people terrified her. I told her that sometimes we have to do things scared, and she said the same to me many times.
I feel like I owe it to my mother to help her succeed. She paused her dreams to take care of me and support my father. She deserves to chase her dreams—we all do. I am grateful that she took the time to pour into me when I was younger. Now, it is my turn to uplift her and everyone around me. I spoke to my mom about following your passions and choosing your version of success.
What was your biggest takeaway from PRSS?
Slowing down to speed up. Sometimes, we get so busy we forget to realize we will never catch up because we’re not trying to do too much. You’re trying to do it all and must be okay with focusing on the priority in order to move forward. Sometimes, that is slowing down, and you end up getting more done because you do what really matters.
Confidence was another big thing for me—it’s made the work I do more alive. Whether it’s cooking, cleaning, or designing, I push through confidently and find it more enjoyable. I realize what is more important to get through the day, which is part of my motivation for the day.
What do you think success is?
Success is individual. It’s what your purpose is in life. It’s the things you enjoy doing. You reach it at your own pace instead of looking at others and seeing if you need to be on their level. It’s growth every day through the things you learn. And being able to reach out to others with the gift given to you by your heavenly father and help others reach their success, too. I think it’s being at peace with yourself and finding ways to grow. We are all different and here for different purposes in life, and we work together to make the world a better place to live.
Why do you think it’s important to encourage women to decide their own definition of success?
I think it’s important because ways of doing things change from generation to generation. The older generation can tell the new ones how they faced those challenges while motivating and encouraging them to face their unique challenges. Each generation builds each other up to get through what we will face in the future.
I watched my mom downplay her creative achievements for years. She makes truly beautiful work that’s an extension of her warm, gentle soul. It makes me think about how much I’ve devalued my own work and how often I see other women do the same. Sometimes I think if only I started a business by now and I should really be working out more and I need to make more money and I should be far further than I am and I am running out of time when I look around and see twenty-something millionaires girlbossing their way into the sun. I bring myself back to Earth by reminding myself that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Our success is not measured by others' success. We determine what that is. I am successful because I have great relationships and an overflowing amount of self-love. I try my best to encourage others to express themselves creatively and be proud of it. My success lies in the path I forge for myself because it is mine alone to walk. The gifts you bring to this world are extraordinary and uniquely yours.
I pray that you do not stifle your creativity like my mom and I have. Magic things happen when you share with others and give back to the world. I ask that you do not sell yourself short. But we also don’t have to be a super accomplishing girlboss machine all the time. No regular person can wake up at the ass crack of dawn and workout for 4 hours and do 7 projects a day and take 3 dogs for a walk and save 10 children from a fire and drive a Bugatti and make 6 figures and have a perfect marriage and eat the most perfect, nutritious food and get enough sleep at night and meditate and look like a 10 no matter what and be perfectly happy all the time. That’s just not possible. The women at the Pink Robe Society were all successful. They wanted better for themselves, their communities, their careers, and the world. But none of them have it all together.
We see the best from everyone. I’m guilty of this. I don’t want everyone to know that I don’t accomplish those things every day. I do try to put my best foot forward but I am not perfect.
There are no photos of me feeling defeated or crying after something upsetting happens. No videos of me running around like a chicken with my head cut off when I put too much on my plate. There is no story that pops up to let everyone know I feel like giving up that day. While a completely negative media presence wouldn’t be representative of my life, the positive life I put out online isn’t fully authentic either. When I look at other people, I try to remember that they’re people too. They have moments and face setbacks. Not everything goes their way.
I do not win at life all the time. But I know I am successful and will continue to do so. I uplift my community when I can. I am not “self-made,” either. My friends, family, and community support me. We all help each other out. I am more than a girlboss, more than a woman, more than my successes, and you are, too.