In Media Res

By Anya Shroff

In Media Res

By fourth year Anna Van Eekeren

I feel as if I’m in a constant state of motion – of perpetual action, an agonizing position of forced movement, of incessant deadlines and responsibilities, and streams of relationships and people.

Of suspension between multiple realities and weighted identities, a duality I can never fully grasp, a fusion I can never truly embrace, an inner turmoil that breeds distaste.

Pressured to conform, coerced to adorn glitter and gloss, mannerisms of talk, sentiments that are lost. Must I reinvent myself and scar my face to win society’s grace? Or am I just trying to erase what can’t be replaced??

I JUST WANT TO BE.

I just want to exist.

Surely, there is something more than this.

But nature is in endless flux.

The world spins and churns in indifference.

All the flora and fauna in enduring resistance, Mother Nature in defiance. 

It’s these moments of tranquility and respite. 

Twilight drives with a friend. A resplendent sunset. A night-in, curled up watching a favorite movie. Purring of a cat. Warmth of a breath. Roaring of thunder. My reflection torn asunder.

Perhaps –

I am both of the zebra’s stripes.

Wild, untamed, bold.

Melding as one.

Perhaps,

I just am.