Hurt
fourth year jake forgay
photo by atithi patel
She slammed the door behind her.
“Your such a fucking asshole!,” she screamed through the door, the knot in the center of her chest tightening
Translation: Why are you being so hurtful?
He stormed in, heart racing.
“I’m the asshole! I’m trying to talk to you babe and you are just fucking ignoring me,” he retorted
Translation: I’m hurt and want to be understood.
“What do you mean I’m ignoring you? I’m trying to listen but you are just screaming at me! What am I not getting?!”
Translation: I feel attacked and just want your love and acceptance.
“Oh yea ok so slamming the goddamn door in my face is you trying to listen!”
Translation: I feel disrespected and really just want to be understood.
“Babe what do you want from me! Why do you keep shouting?” she howled in tears.
Translation: I’m hurting.
“Because I’m not being heard!”
Translation: I’m hurting.
…
There was a deafening stillness that night as they were laying in bed together. Both of them really didn’t know what to say. Neither felt comfortable initiating any form of conversation. He distracted himself with his book and her with her phone, until it reached a point at which the tension in the room needed release.
“I’m sorry babe,” he said defeatedly.
“It’s ok,” she said tiredly.
“What were we even arguing about?” he chuckled.
She gave a wry smile. “Fuck if I know.”
He gave a sigh. “I love you babe. More than you know,” he said, leaning over to grab her hand.
“I love you too hun. So much.”
…
It is when there is the greatest pain present that a gesture of love and acceptance is needed the most. But when we are most vulnerable we are, unfortunately, most volatile. And so what appears as spite, anger, hate, rejection, and disrespect is, more often than not, simply a guise to protect and shelter an inner woundedness: an outcry for relief.
So as difficult as it may be, and seemingly contradictory, a simple act of love (and maybe a little dose of humility) in the heat of conflict can go leaps and bounds to heal not only the pain around you, but also within.