Element of Suspense
fourth year annette aguilar
photo by arantxa villa
Everything she does creates a timer. A slight echoing tick-tick-tick-tick following her with each step she takes. A reminder that she really doesn’t know anything. And, she really doesn’t know anything. She goes along with her silly little life, doing her silly little things, existing in her own silly little way. Why would she know about the timer? As it ticks her life away. Placing her in situations she doesn’t expect. Moving her towards something, anything.
“Do you think I should apply to this program?”
“What do you mean? I thought you wanted too?”
“I do. But… I’m not sure I feel like I need the push.”
She goes on with her day. Pushing the things she really needs to do all the way to the end of the list of things she needs to do. There’s always tomorrow, she thinks. But tomorrow then becomes today or yesterday. Or never.
“Do you hear that?”
“Hear what?”
“There’s like a tiny noise. Shhh, listen!”
“I don’t hear anything”
“Hmm, strange.”
She goes on with her day. Hearing the oh so soft tick-tick-tick-tick every now and then. She doesn’t think much of it. It’s never there really. There are other things that are much louder. The sound of a computer keyboard being pressed. The sound of her favorite song. The sound coming from outside. The sound of those she loves. There’s always louder things.
“I have so much to do! There isn’t enough time!”
She hears her fingers typing faster on the keyboard. tick-tick-tick-tick The bass on her favorite song beating louder. tick-tick-tick-tick The sounds of outside becoming longer. tick-tick-tick-tick Everyone she loves moving farther. tick-tick-tick-tick
“What is this? Why do I feel this way?”
“Feel what? What are you talking about”
She can’t go along her day anymore. Something’s not right. There’s this sound that keeps bothering her. She doesn’t know where it’s coming from. Under her bed? No. In her bag? No. In the closet? No. Does she know? No. She hasn’t realized that it’s been there all along. Following. Stalking. Creeping.
BOOM!
It all comes at once. A sudden shatter of emotions. Pieces of knowing flying in all directions. Explosions of realization forcing their way into her. She finally knows.
“I’m going to do it. F**k it.”
“Good. It’s what I’ve been telling you all this time.”
There was no denying that this was bound to happen. She just didn’t see it coming. The sudden realization that sometimes in life, you just have to say f**k it (but with no restrictions).
Stop waiting for the explosion. Just go ahead and apply for that program. Text that one cute classmate about something besides the assignment. Tell your boss how you really feel. Try that one food you’ve been wanting to try for a long time. The worst that can happen is a no, and maybe even some hurt feelings, but even then, at least you can say you did it. And, that right there, is worth everything.