Haircut

photo by Prashant Kolachala

Haircut

third year srija sengupta

It’s hard to think when

You’re staring and staring and 

Staring at the wall for

Hours and hours and hours, trying to find

A way to feel at peace, at

Home.

Home’s not something you

Think about, it’s a

Place of belonging and yet

Your body feels alien, like

The edges of a space, always

Empty.

Empty is the hole in your

Guts, stomach cramping around the

Hunger to know what- no-

Who you are, a body or a 

Person.

Personally, I dealt with

It my own way, I took up

The scissors, green and sticky with

Glitter, looking in the mirror to find

Someone shaped like a woman, but

No.

No, that’s not me, never was

And won’t be, so I put my hair

Up, brought it to the front, and-

SNIP!

Down falls the hair, black and black and black

Against the bathroom tiles, a universe has opened up

The mirror smiles at me, sunrise in their teeth

I am free, I think, snipping further, and I am home