Cold Turkey

photo by sophie mcleod

Cold Turkey

by graduate student jake head

There is one dopamine dependency that seems to be wide spread among people my age: the tinder match. Or the bumble match. Or wherever you choose to find romance. I find that most of my college aged peers fall into two categories: completely devoted to another or chronically single. For those of us who lean towards chronic singularity, the general trend of modern romance is dating apps. It seems that a large fraction of single people cling to these apps, and I fear we may have all developed a dependency. 

Since I came to UGA, I have been hooked on these apps. I’ve gone on tinder dates that led to one night stands, tinder dates that led to unfulfilling month long relationships, tinder dates wherein the chemistry was so abominable that I had to find an excuse to leave prematurely; but what I haven’t found on tinder, or hinge, or bumble, or grindr, is anything or anyone that makes me feel good about myself. Nothing on a deep level. At this point, I know I’ve stayed on them solely to approve my vanity. 

I could make the false claim that dating apps are good for some people. I could validate those of us who are in denial that they have a dependency, but I tend to think we in our generation too easily validate each other when we should push each other to betterment. My singular new year’s resolution this year was to delete all my dating apps and keep them deleted. Thus far, I have been successful, but I’m having a hard time replacing the dopamine boost they used to give me.

In the near past, college was where one would learn to flirt and connect with people romantically. I realized long ago that I’m stunted when it comes to in-person romance. Why is it so easy to be bold over a screen, yet so difficult to approach someone attractive and charismatic in person? I’ve never been a shy or timid man, yet this art evades me. 

What I’m trying to say here in this convoluted Bradshaw-esque confession is that we need to attempt to regain romance for the sake of our young culture. As Valentine's day approaches, I’m embracing my singularity. I’m aware this is a cliche, but I’m not embracing it in a “galentines” self-love way— that would only be a shallow attempt to hide my true ambitions when it comes to romance and friendships. I’m embracing my singularity in that from now on I am challenging myself to be bolder, challenging myself to abstain from shallow dopamine rewards, and begging my generation to join me. And if you need to wean yourself off, maybe try sliding into his DMs.