Derivatived

fourth year Zara Inam

Yesterday we fell apart into two and one

Can I blame separation - the time and the space?

Or is time just empty space collapsed into seconds taunted by the clock

I countdown the days, minute by minute, expecting two and one to become one and two, 

knowing we will never be three

What sick repercussions will arise at night 

when I wish to escape the lingering hours on the clock

avoiding deep thoughts of my existence

Only to be left awake by this hunger inside

Is this pain? I don't know. 

Loneliness is a fool who cries wolf

Howling behind my door at night

What is this divorce between a pair? 

breaking two into one and one so that we remain alone divided by space

Or is space just hoarded emptiness reminding us of what we used to be as three?

One and two exist for the creation of three, 

but not as a trifecta, 

instead just wondering how black and white can make gray if they choose to exist in separation

But “It would be a terrible mistake to go through life thinking that people are the sum total of what you see”

So I ask myself 

But mostly I tell myself 

about the power that zero holds

So that even when you multiply it, he is all that remains

I stand between these dimensions, counting back from infinity

letting go of numbers that passed long ago

And then i forget

I forget to question the odds of calculating what will happen if i let go

probably on purpose, even if it means becoming new

I enjoy this separation

The time and space away from my dividing thoughts

Wrapping myself between the hands of the clock

Feeling lighter somehow

Freed of these shackles

The ticking in my head too a reminder that if anything

I will continue on 

I am one and two 

and even and odd

And everything and nothing 

And the odds are

that that will be enough