third year evan lasseter

When something hurts, it seems almost instinctual to seep into that pain. Whatever negative emotion rests on the surface becomes what we abide in. Then, it turns into what we project back into the world. Perhaps there is some truth to the old cliche that we become the very thing we hate the most. Look no further than the walls of yourself to see how the pain inflicted on you by a person, by the world, or by life is just eating you alive. Something out of our control or something not our fault, yet we bear the despair. The suffering imposes on us, rots our core, and then starts manifesting from the inside out.

But, no matter what pain we feel, no matter what source it comes from, this process is unsustainable. We aren't meant to continuously harbor our own pain and suffering. Forgiveness is more for our own healing than some platitude projected onto the source of our pain for its own benefit. Why in the world would forgiveness be for anything or anyone but yourself?

Yet, forgiveness is so damn hard. Our pain hurts so damn much.

How do we deal with it? How do we flip the script on our own negative circumstances?

To me, the answer is counterintuitive but deeply healing. The key to forgiveness is to lean into the very thing that hurt you and love it more. Turn your resentment into a genuine hope for prosperity for what or who hurt you. Turn every piece of abundant life you wish for yourself, or for those you love, and dedicate that same dream for the origin of your pain.

The notion is easy to reject. Someone or something may not deserve our love. It may feel like we have poured every ounce of our being out in the world. It may feel like every ounce of love we possibly had to give has been drained. Yet, that is just the point. By loving more deeply, more genuinely, we begin to fill ourselves back up. We restore ourselves in the process of loving others.

The past year has put me face-to-face with the most grueling process of forgiveness I have ever encountered. It took time. It took resting in my suffering. There were a lot of tears and tough words. Looking back, I can see a lot of good friends and deepened relationships. But the more I meditated, the more I addressed the tough shit I was going through, the more clear the answer became. Meditations turned from “please heal me” to “please provide for them.” And, I continuously pounded away at directing genuine love and prosperity toward the source of my pain.

Now, when I look back, I see how far I’ve come. I see my growth. Most importantly I feel that weight lifted from my being. So, be encouraged. Be prompted to go deeper with yourself, and give your spirit permission to love more. Love when it doesn't make sense to and love when you feel like you shouldn't. You owe it to yourself, and you deserve to heal.

I’m thinking about it