third year caela gray

Listening speaks. In fact, it’s both a resounding shout and sweet whisper that all at once communicates a simple, compassionate idea:

“I respect you.”

Imagine how it would feel if someone showed that level of love to you. When was the last time you sat with a friend and attentively, actively, objectively listened to what they had to say? It’s an instinctive urge to interject advice hoping to demonstrate our support. Still, all too often, unsolicited opinions are said more for the benefit of the person on the other side of the dilemma.

Vocalizing without thinking is easy—rarely do our inner voices ever fall quiet. Expressing ourselves with depth is the tricky bit. Unfortunately, speaking for the sake of making our presence known has become the norm. From work meetings to casual narcissistic tendencies, the ego’s value finds status with how often opinions yield sound. Somewhere along the way of growing up, we became aware of an undisclosed rule: the best talkers are the talented, the movers and doers, the successful. I call bullshit.

Smashing your fingers on the keys of a piano does not make you a maestro.

Truthfully, most people are uncomfortable with silence, or at least, awkward silence. They feel obligated to fill in the gaps, because what’s the alternative? To be invisible in a sea of people confidently throwing witty comments around the collective headspace would be the absolute worst…right? Quite the opposite (oh, the irony of life). It’s in the lull that the magic happens. An intimate bond is formed, a knowing look is shared, a breakthrough clears out the dusty cobwebs in the back of your brain. The opportunities for profound experiences are endless if you give yourself permission to be still.

Freedom of speech is a gift, and our ability to string words together in infinitely creative combinations is a defining feature of humanity. But, as with anything, the individual determines the value. You choose how, when, and why you want to articulate your thoughts, just as you hold the agency to refrain from blurting out an impulsive reaction.

Most of us are mechanically competing to make sure the world knows we exist. It’s a brutal race to nowhere. What if what we’re vying for isn’t ceaseless chatter to gain social footing but genuine acceptance? The next time you go to someone with a heavy heart, picture what it would feel like for them to be wholly present with you, acknowledging whatever thoughts and emotions you chose to share without judgment.

You can hold that space, for anyone, for everyone, anytime you’re willing to listen.

HOLDING SPACE